Indian Women - They just can't win.

Disclaimer: This is just a rant and be assured that this doesn't clump Indian men in one cage and Indian women in one cage.

Indian Guys might hate me for this but I don't give a shit. Been through too much and seen to much that I have to rant on the hypocrisy that runs in Indian blood.

First is the zoom on virginity of girls and making a harangue about it. Basically the general Indian mindset is that if a girl is no longer a virgin, she's not a good girl.

But, in my experience, when an Indian girl is being catcalled or whistled at, if she doesn't respond positively, she'll be insulted along the lines of she being a harlot. I write quite a lot on women's rights as opposed to patriarchy, including the dehumanization of Hindu Indian women once her husband dies.

The below is a video that shows a Brahmin family tonsuring a young widow's head in the movie Seval, one Barath's best but underrated movie:

An Indian woman's hair is considered to be her honour and dignity. My senile grandmother (she's a widow as well), who is rendered unable to care for her hair, had her long hair cut by my aunt who's taking care of her. Old granny would lament, "See what they did to my hair. They only snip a woman's hair if she does something wrong. What wrong did I do?"

Of course widows are not treated like that here but some semblance of dehumanization remains. Read here.

Okay, back to the topic. Nowadays, Indian girls are often categorized almost categorically as whores and sluts, nothing more, nothing less, the subject of censure being their virginity. In actuality, women these days just don't win in the perception of males here, especially the whore and slut part - women just can't win.

Many times, when I don't respond to guys trying to chat me up, they turn hostile and start calling me names, even in the library. One guy showed me the middle finger and called me thevudiya mava when I did not lift my face from the book I was reading in Tun Razak library as the guy made verbal passes at me. Another lorry driver approached me and coaxed me to sleep with him and when I kept quiet due to sheer terror, he called me a bitch and vowed to rape me one day. Another common hostility is if a girl ignores eve teasing is telling her whether she had seen her face in the mirror or tell her to not be so proud, she ain't Miss World. I had got these ones innumerable times and I'm not sore. Just pointing out that hypocrisy is the order of the day when it comes subject Indian girls into an opinion - most of them are whores and sluts In case you want to say that my dressing might have provoked them, Tun Razak library's dress code is stringent, no shorts and sleeveless tops. I was in my track pants and school sports t-shirt when the lorry driver approached me and I am not typically one who dresses scantily in public.

One thing is glaring - if Indian women don't act accordingly to Indian guys' wants, then insulting/assassinating her character become the counter reaction to the females unresponsivess. If Indian women bend to the tune Indian males play, then she's a harlot and a character-less girl. See, cannot win. Cul De Sac.

It's male entitlement, women should fulfill whatever males want, If she doesn't they'll come to the conclusion that she's a bitch who's acting up and they would degrade her at every opportunity. If she does, she's easy and cheap and they would degrade her at every opportunity too. See, lose-lose situation.

Yesterday, a guy was like all Indian women are sluts and whores and when I pinpointed that the girls don't lose their virginity on their own, there's a complementing counterpart called guys, he was like, "Why are you defending these sluts la? Because you are a woman ah?" Yes, because in his view, I'm a slut too.. And all guys are saints and society is oh so perfect and nonjudgmental. And, women are the root of evil. Sial betul.

And then, the accusation that Indian girls won't come clean to their current boyfriend/husband/society if they are no longer virgins. I have a question. How can statistical virginity ratio of Indian girls can be drafted without Indian girls coming clean of their past sexual misadventures? There is virginity check performed on every girl and the data is gleaned, analyzed then made into statistics? Every girl who lost her virginity aborted her child in clinics and that's how the data is collected?

Many Indian girls do come clean of their so called dirty past but how many men and society are ready to accept the girl as a girl of moral and keep her on the level of Panchali who had 5 husbands? You will accept and pity Kunti and Draupadi just because their stories are etched in religious scriptures but won't accept real Indian girls who slept with their boyfriends whom they thought they will marry only to see their boyfriends washing their hands off once matter is over and then search for a fresh female body to screw. I am not endorsing premarital sex - I am saying that anyone can breach trust and take advantage. I am saying that girls are humans who are prone to mistakes just like guys. If a girl who had premarital sex is a bad girl then a guy who had premarital sex is a bad guy too. It's unfair to heap blame on girls alone. If girls start asking for virginity of guys to marry like guys do, then many guys won't get married. Can lead a lecherous lifestyle prior to marriage but wants only virgin bride and calls the girls he screwed sluts and whores.

My cousin sis' husband took her to do virginity test on the second day of marriage. It seems the doctors vilified the guy. He later impregnated my cousin and told her to abort it because he doesn't think that the baby is his. He's a saint and my cousin is Bloody Mary. Of Course.

For guys, the number of women they slept with is a matter to brag and society reserves very low contempt towards guys who have premarital sex because hey, boys will be boys. So, guys mostly escape both culpability and responsibility when it comes to premarital sex so they don't hesitate much to be open about their flings. Note that in the movie Arundhati, Pasupathi's mother not only ignores her son's debauched ways but defends him too. Replace Pasupathi's mother with society. Let society give such leeway to girls who have premarital sex and they will come clean with more boldness. I know, deep inside that it's unlikely to happen. But, asking girls to say that they slept with their boyfriend when it is the reality that they will be negatively judged after they own up, how will they open up? That's my bone of contention here, cannot win. Conceal also slut, open up also slut.

This is why I said that women never win, they are viewed in jaundiced view up, down, left,inside and out. Perhaps it is the male insecurity, now that many Indian women are overtaking Indian males in education and career that the virginity of women is made such a huge issue, that most of their value lies in the flimsy, weak membrane between their legs, not in their solid and powerful capabilities..

Also, Indians are torn between orthodox establishments and sweeping modernization. Many boyfriends of Indian girls film themselves making out with them, unknown to the girls and then release the film in YouTube for various reasons, including revenge porn, blackmail and to spoil the lives of the girls - due to society's perception. Most girls who have been exposed this way had no choice but to end their lives at their own hands. Again, due to societal bearings, definition of Indian culture and impositions, dos and don'ts, conforms and honour, Indian girls are pushed to the limit.

Indian women - We just can't win.

Guy swears, "He's cool." Girl swears, "She's bitchy!"

Recently, an Indian guy practically made my Facebook squalid by purging all kinds of expletives when I wrote a personal rant regarding the husband of a relative of mine, leaving her and her 3 young kids out on a limb when she fell ill and unable to fulfill her husband's carnal desires. It was a love marriage.

The below is my post

My post got besieged by Indian guys and one particular butthurt Indian guy leveled pure profanity on my post, I removed him from my Facebook friend list because he abused my Indian girlfriend as well and also to be my friend, you gotta have some standards and manners. He sent me friend request. The below is his sorpolivu and note that he got 3 likes for his 'intellectual' and 'mind ticking' comments, most likely 'conferred' by his like minded friends.

I left a message on why I removed him and he spat torrents of profane pejoratives at me yet again. I am sparing you the messages because you would have get an idea that if he could speak like that in public, you will get an idea how he'd speak in private. Another of his like minded friend messaged me as well on the same level and I was like, "Poda jaldra.."

The macha practically demeaned my mother and my response to him was, "Do I look like I care... How long would it take for me to use profanity to denigrate your mother? I won't stoop to your level because my mama taught me better than that. I respect all mothers, including yours.. Bye."

And then, complete turnaround on behalf of the guy! He began apologizing profusely, saying 'Bless you', 'anger made me blind' and the icing of the cake was him falling at my feet! And, he began calling me dear and sayang and recounted a sentimental story that he has no sisters as his siblings were all boys and that's why he sent me a friend request and then began pestering me to add him back.

My girlfriends advised me against adding him back and I took their advice. And then, I got messages from guys expressing anger on how could a guy call me such names in a public forum and that it hurt them that I was given such a treatment.

I was struck on the fact that those guys won't apologize and express their anger on fellow sewage mouthed Indian guys in public, only doing them in private but would swear/vilify Indian girls in public. I have also had Indian guys who debate fiercely with me on Facebook, biting my head off that I have ego when they fail to counter my points, apologizing to me in private message like meek puppies.

This made me come to the conclusion that Indian guys won't let their ego bust in public, preferring to smear and assassinate the character of Indian girls publicly, especially those who are outspoken like me and then apologize in private. It is sorta like the saying, "Keele vilunthum meesaileh mannu ottame irukanum," which means, although a guy falls on the ground, he should keep the soil from soiling his moustache, the moustache symbolizing his masculinity.

I had a strong principle on not to use swear words and profane signs since high school - I went to an all girls high school and many of my friends used the 'f' word and middle finger. I never did. But, lately, as I get to know people and if they piss me off I am using swear words but not publicly.

As far as I am concerned, using swear words does not make a guy cool or a girl bitchy. It only means one thing, indecency but like everything that is accepted if Indian guys do but not when Indian girls do, swearing exonerates Indian guys but criminalizes Indian girls. It is the general Indian policing to go, "Fuck, asshole lam use pannethe, ithu yellam oru ponna," if a girl swears but a defeaning silence would prevail when an Indian guy is being profane. It is a non issue.

Anger is gender blind so everyone needs to control it. It is unfair to say Indian girls should not get angry because getting angry and using harsh words are not the hallmarks of a good Indian girls. Indian guys should not enjoy impunity when it comes to being profane. If I really need to express my anger by swearing via writing in public I use f***** or intentionally misspell the f word as fcuk so that I don't come under fire by Indian moral polices.

Yet, the famous blogger, SK Durai who blogs at uses the word 'f******' liberally and when I told a guy friend about that he was like "Sanitized articles won't drive the point home so  a degree of profanity is needed."  Durai's guest blog's name is known as and maire means pubic hair. My uncle always uses the word maire. One of my guy friend on Facebook updated a status that read, "Someone please slap the Marma Mairandi if you find him. Always squealing like a pig each time I turn THR Raaga on to catch a decent Tamil tune." If I wrote like that, Indian machas would besiege my post and berate me as though their world had fallen apart because an Indian girl swore.

Anyway, gender bias in Indian societies might never change. I am not asking for all Meenachis to start swearing so that gender equality can be achieved. Swearing is distasteful when indulged in by anyone, irrespective of gender. Being nice and decent doesn't cost a thing and they do wonders for your image. The meme below does not only apply to girls, it applies to guys too.

Valentine's Day

Many couples (especially immature ones) would break up or get their relationship strained on Valentine's Day because their significant other (most usually guys) did not get the other half 'the perfect gift' or 'a better gift' than others.
If you break up or sulk just because Valentine's Day gift did not meet your expectations then why bother to be in a romantic relationship in the first place? If you are gonna let one day of loving gestures to define your whole relationship than the relationship had failed when it begun.
To those who are single, instead of posting sad statuses on your Facebook on Valentine's Day that you don't have a partner to celebrate Valentine's Day, you can start by loving yourself extra first. Make Valentine's Day a jumpstart - watch what you eat, join a gym, make yourself look good, join yoga class, mingle with new people and eventually, you will find love.
Don't find love just because you don't have someone to celebrate Valentine's Day - that's not love, that's following a flock which won't last long.
Celebrating Valentine's Day with your lover is not a big deal. Sticking to the same lover through thick and thin, through misunderstandings and hurdles and being there for each other until you two celebrate Valentine's Day together the next year and the coming years is a big deal. That is LOVE, not one day show of extreme affection and then cheat on each other, suspect, and be like cat and dog for the rest of the year.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone heart emoticon heart emoticon